


Love Me and Despair

by MissChrisDaae



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - Evil, Angst, F/M, Inappropriate Use of the Force, The Dark Side of the Force
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:48:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22030573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissChrisDaae/pseuds/MissChrisDaae
Summary: The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.Though the duel on Mustafar goes somewhat differently from the story you might have heard, Darth Vader finds himself much in the same place, having lost everything he tried to save through Falling.In his grief, Vader plunges deeper into the Dark Side, breaking every law of nature and the Force to get what he wants. But the price that must be paid is far steeper than he might realize.The Galaxy Far Far Away is about to get a very different kind of tyrant.
Relationships: Padmé Amidala/Darth Vader
Comments: 10
Kudos: 73
Collections: 2019 Star Wars Secret Santa





	Love Me and Despair

**Author's Note:**

  * For [enmudecer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/enmudecer/gifts).



Obi-Wan stood on the banks of the river, trying to catch his breath despite the noxious atmosphere of Mustafar and the pure hatred radiating from his former Apprentice standing beneath him. “Anakin, I beg of you, stop this now!”

“I am done listening to you!” Anakin, no, _Vader_ snarled, his sickly yellow eyes clearly measuring the effort it would take to jump the distance, and Obi-Wan felt his stomach drop.

“Don’t try it,” he implored, racking his brain for a way to stop this course of action. Another Jedi might not have hesitated to kill him, but Obi-Wan couldn’t do it. He simply couldn’t. Not after so many years together, even knowing what had become of the boy he’d trained.

Raising his eyes, he spotted one of the signal towers and reached out with the Force, pulling it down to create a barrier between the two of them. The effort left him breathless, but as it fell, he heard a savage scream tear from Vader’s throat. What had happened on the other side of the metal structure, Obi-Wan could not say, nor could he stay to find out. Padmé was still lying on the ground at the landing platform, and while she had been alive when their duel began, he didn’t know how long she could last in an environment as hostile as this one. Especially after what Vader had done to her. He ran, forcing himself not to look back. He had to get to Padmé and get them both off Mustafar before Vader caught up with them.

When he reached the platform, he saw that she hadn’t moved, but See-Threepio and Artoo-Deetoo were now circling her, the astromech chirping wildly in binary while the protocol droid fretted. “Oh dear, Miss Padmé, please do wake up, this place is simply dreadful!"

“Get on the ship, get it started,” Obi-Wan ordered, moving to lift his friend as carefully as possible, taking extra care to mind her swollen stomach “And set a course for the nearest medical facility.” Artoo beeped in confirmation, wheeling up the ramp as fast as his little wheels would carry him as Threepio waddled after him. “Padmé, can you hear me?”

She whimpered and stirred briefly in his arms, but made no indication that she’d heard him. A garbled sound passed her lips that he could barely make out. But it sounded like ‘Ani.’

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, bending his knees so he could stand and start carrying her to the ship. “I only hope it’s not too late to save you.”

* * *

Obi-Wan would pay for this.

The tower had fallen on Vader in such a way that it had crushed both his mechno-arm and his lightsaber, pinning him in place. And now his former Master was gone, Vader could feel his Force presence fading. Padmé’s too. 

That _thief!_ A swell of rage rose in Vader’s chest, blowing back the metal that had kept him trapped, and he unceremoniously ripped the remains of his prosthetic from what flesh was left of his arm. He had lost valuable time already, he wasn’t going to be slowed further by deadweight metal flopping uselessly at his side.

As he began to work his way up the side of the hill, he felt a shift in the Force again. Just as Obi-Wan’s presence had diminished, his new Master’s now was growing, drawing nearer. Vader sucked in a breath through his clenched teeth, keeping his remaining hand on the stump of his right arm as he considered his options.

He needed to find Padmé, there was no way of knowing where Kenobi had taken her, and every moment took her further away from him. But even if he found them, he still did not know the secrets of Darth Plagueis, the way to save his wife.

Surely the Emperor would teach him now. After everything Vader had done, everything Vader had sacrificed, surely he’d proven himself.

As the hell that was Mustafar surged around him, he let the Dark Side fuel his journey back to the control station and the landing platform. Every step he took, the image of his dreams pounded in his heart, the dread of Padmé’s death and the hatred for Obi-Wan’s sanctimonious interference festering like an open wound.

The Emperor was waiting for him on the platform, surrounded by his red-cloaked guards.His yellow eyes were filled with some kind of emotion that Vader could not quite decipher; it might have been confusion, or anger, or pride, his master kept the truth veiled from him. “Lord Vader,” he croaked, and the young Sith immediately dropped to his knees.

“Kenobi escaped me,” he confessed bitterly. “He took my wife with him.”

“Disappointing.” Sidious exhaled the single syllable on a hiss.

“He got lucky, Master, it will not happen again,” Vader promised. “But I _need_ to know what Plagueis taught you, to save Padmé—”

“You serve me, Vader, not the other way around.” A hint of lightning seemed to gleam at Sidious’ fingertips. “Do _not_ speak out of turn. We will locate your wife and Kenobi in time, but I will not tolerate such disobedience from you.” _But she doesn’t have time!_ Vader wanted to shout it. The Emperor had promised they would save her. “We will return to Imperial Center and see about repairs to your arm.”

“Imperial Center?” Vader repeated.

“Coruscant will invoke too many memories of the Republic, my friend,” Sidious explained, his voice returning to a more familiar, amiable tone. “Rise, and let us go. You can hardly avenge yourself on Kenobi and reclaim your wife in this state.”

Vader did not let himself hesitate. Such weaknesses were no longer a luxury he could afford. But as he rose and followed his Master back to the ship, he reached out with the Force, grasping for the presence of his wife.

_I_ **_will_ ** _have you back, Padmé. Whatever price I might pay is worth it, so long as you survive and I have you._

* * *

Obi-Wan stood alongside Bail Organa, his head hanging slightly as they watched the droids examining Padmé on the medical table. “I don’t know what is going to happen,” he confessed to the Senator. “To any of us. I had the chance to kill Vader, and I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t kill the man who was once my brother.”

“We’ll figure something out,” Bail promised grimly. “Has Master Yoda said anything to you?”

“Not yet.” One of the medical droids exited the examination room and Obi-Wan clenched his jaw nervously. “What’s happening to her?”

“Medically, she is completely healthy,” the droid answered, “but for reasons we can't explain, we are losing her.”

“She's dying?” It didn’t seem possible, yet when he reached out, he could feel it. Her presence in the Force dimming, her life draining away. Yet it felt different somehow from other deaths he had felt.

“We don't know why,” the droid continued. “She has lost the will to live. We need to operate quickly if we are to save the babies.”

“Babies?” Bail repeated incredulously. “There’s more than one?”

“Yes, sir. She’s carrying twins.”

“Save them, we must.” Bail and Obi-Wan both looked down to see Yoda standing there, resting on his gimmer stick. “Our last hope, they are, and little time, there is. Searching for them, Vader will be.”

“And Padmé?” Bail asked slowly. There was a deadly silence before he spoke again “We cannot just leave her here.”

“No choice, we have.”

“Master Yoda, the Senator is right. If we leave her body behind, and Vader finds her, he will know the children survive,” Obi-Wan argued. “But I do not think we should give up on her, just yet.” Yoda shook his head, but did not stop Obi-Wan from moving into the operating room and taking Padmé’s hand. “Don’t give up,” he begged softly. “Padmé, you have to stay strong, for your children.”

“Children,” she repeated, straining to breathe. “Where’s Ani? He should be here.”

She had to be delirious if she didn’t remember what had happened on Mustafar. And Obi-Wan didn’t have the heart to tell her. “Just hold on, for the babies,” he urged softly.

“We have the male twin,” the medical droid reported, bringing the baby towards Padmé who stretched out a hand weakly.

“Hi, Luke,” she whispered as her fingers brushed her son’s forehead. The baby cried out in what seemed like anguish, and Obi-Wan moved to take him from the droid’s cold arms.

“And the female.”

Obi-Wan looked back as Padmé exhaled her daughter’s name. “Leia.” Even soaked in her sweat and tears, the sight of her smiling at her children was beautiful, heartbreakingly so. “Obi-Wan.” The way her voice quavered told him what he already knew.

“I’ll protect you all,” he promised. “Just save your strength, you can survive this.” The lie weighed heavily on his tongue.

“There’s good in him,” Padmé insisted hoarsely. “I know there’s still…” Her breath shuddered and stopped, and the babies wailed in unison.

She was gone.

* * *

Across the galaxy, Vader felt it.

_Padmé. No. No, no. no._

Tearing his arm away from the medical droid that was tending to him, he stormed through the halls of the Imperial Star Destroy. He had to find a ship that he could use, had to get to her. “I am afraid you are too late, my friend.” The Emperor’s voice croaked behind him, and Vader whirled to face his master. Fighting the urge to kneel, he shook his head violently.

“She _was_ alive, I felt it, I can still find her—”

“Vader.” The single word hissed out, charging the air with Sidious’ dark power. “You have failed, and you have no one to blame but yourself. You are to blame for her death.” With every sentence, Vader felt the Force pushing him down until he was on his knees. “I suggest we make the most of this unfortunate turn of events. Learn from this failure. Let it fuel you as we build our Empire.” And with that, he swept past Vader, leaving the young Sith to succumb to the wave of grief and anguish washing over him.

The price he’d paid, the blood he’d shed, all of it for _nothing._ The metal frame of the hallway began to crumple around him as his rage surged forth. “Sir, are you—” the hapless officer who had approached him fell silent as the Force crushed his windpipe and snapped his neck. The sound of the man’s corpse striking the floor brought Vader no satisfaction. How could anything, in a world where Padmé no longer lived?

How much time passed, he could not say, he was too consumed by the miasma of the Dark Side to notice. It offered him no comfort or solace, but it was better than he would have felt if he had remained in the Light, where the guilt and shame would have been even deeper.

* * *

It seemed callous to Obi-Wan that they were sitting and discussing what would happen to Padmé and the children so soon after her death. Objectively, he knew that it was necessary, their time was short, but she had still been his friend.

“Pregnant, she must still appear. Hidden, safe, the children must be kept. Split up, they should be.”

“Surely there is some way we could keep them together?” Bail asked, echoing the same thought that had entered Obi-Wan’s mind.

“Too strong, they are,” said Yoda firmly. “Found, they will be, unless separated.”

“Breha and I have been speaking of adopting a baby girl,” Bail admitted softly. “Leia would be safe and loved with us.”

“And Luke?” There was a stretch of silence before Yoda looked at Obi-Wan.

“To Tatooine, to Owen Lars, he shall go. Be with his family, he should.”

Obi-Wan cringed at the memory of the sand swept planet, and how scathingly Anakin had spoken of growing up there. “Surely Padmé’s family would—”

“No.” Surprisingly, it was Bail who spoke. “It’s too great a risk. Naboo is Palpatine’s homeworld, the security will surely be heightened. And for any of the Naberries to be seen adopting a child so soon after Padmé’s death would raise questions they would not be prepared to answer, nor do they have the shield of a Royal family. Yoda is right. However distasteful it might be to us, Luke will be safest on Tatooine. No one will think to look for him there.”

Obi-Wan pursed his lips. “Then I’ll stay with him. It is the least I can do.”

“More there is, for you to learn,” Yoda informed him. “Some privacy, Senator?”

“Of course. I’ll coordinate with the pilot about our destinations and check on the twins.” Bail stood, nodding at both of them before slipping out of the room.

“Come for them, Vader should not. But prepared, you must be. Protect the boy. Our last hope, he and his sister are. Until they are ready, disappear we must. No trace, no way to find us, yes, this we must do. And learn you must. From Qui-Gon.”

“Qui-Gon is dead, Master Yoda.”

The gimmer stick swiped at him, and for a moment, Yoda seemed like his old self again. “No death, only the Force,” he reminded Obi-Wan. “Learned to join with the Force, Qui-Gon has. Teach you, he will.”

“I understand, Master. And I will not let you down.”

* * *

In the days leading up to his wife’s funeral, Vader saw nothing of his master. The Emperor preoccupied himself with the conversion of the devastated Jedi Temple into the new Imperial Palace, and Vader shut himself away in the penthouse of 500 Republica Boulevard, holding close what little traces remained of his wife: her clothes, her jewelry, her perfume, all of it. Anything to keep her memory close, just for a little while.

On the day of the funeral, neither Master nor Apprentice was in attendance.The reason given to the public was that the security needed would have been excessive. Privately, Vader suspected it was a punishment, meant to make him suffer further by denying him the chance to say goodbye, as well as keep him from potentially embarrassing his master.

It hadn’t stopped him from coming to her mausoleum the second the rest of the mourners had dispersed, from standing in front of her sarcophagus with his hand on the royal crest of Naboo as tears filled his eyes. “You should have listened to me. If you had just listened to me, you would be here now.”

Something at the back of his head, buried deep under his sorrow, told him that something wasn’t right. He’d felt her in the Force, she’d still been strong, and then she’d disappeared, like a fire going out. It was not the same as when he’d felt his mother slowly fade away in his arms.

His isolation was short lived as he sensed his master drawing near, both from the sound of his footsteps and his presence in the Force. A presence that felt significantly stronger than Vader remembered. “I did not give you permission to leave Imperial Center, Vader.”

“I did not ask for it.”

“You waste both your time and mine. We have work to do.”

“ _I did your work!”_ Vader could not stop himself from shouting. “I believed you! I stood up for you, defended you and you lied! You promised you would help me save her! I did _everything_ you asked _,_ and I have _nothing_ to show for it!” The stained glass portrait of Padmé shattered behind him, the stone lid of the coffin cracked open, the Dark Side roared around him. “I swore to serve you if you saved her, and now she’s dead, so I owe you _nothing._ ” 

Sidious raised his hands, clearly about to summon lightning, but Vader was faster, lashing out with his own arm with a single thought in his mind. Destroying his master for the empty promises. The fired electricity streamed directly into his palm, but he felt more than that slowly draining out of the Emperor. He felt _life,_ life that Sidious didn’t deserve _._

_“I’m stronger than you,”_ he intoned, focusing even harder on pulling that life from the old Sith. “ _And I will never kneel to another Master.”_ The energy was almost too much, and suddenly the answer came to Vader. Reaching out his free hand, his fingers slipped through the crack in the marble, brushing against the cold skin of his wife’s forehead. And he let the energy flow.

Sidious coughed and hacked, crumpling to the ground as Vader pushed himself to the limits, letting his body become a conduit for the life-force flowing from Sidious to Padmé. It burned every fiber of his being to do it, but he pressed on, determined to see this through. At last, he felt the last breath leave his former Master’s body, saw the body fall to the ground.

And then he heard the gasp. Pushing aside the cracked piece of stone so quickly that one of them landed on top of Sidious’ corpse, he looked down to see his wife’s chest rising and falling, taking a deep inhale as she looked up at him with wide, wide eyes.

Through his tears of relief and pain, he could not see just how dark the beautiful shade of brown he had loved so dearly had become.


End file.
